


three aces, a pan, and their adventures in (not) sex

by EzzyDean



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Multi, the universe is a giant cockblock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 07:30:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10692525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyDean/pseuds/EzzyDean
Summary: Relationships are tough and when there are four people involved finding time to be... intimate with each other can be a monumental task.  Especially when the world seems to have other plans.





	three aces, a pan, and their adventures in (not) sex

**Author's Note:**

> or as I described this to Bre: Suga has three aces! an ace ace, a demi ace, a bi ace! 3 aces and a pan! (aka I think I'm funny when I probably am not)

Suga never would have imagined that he would be spilling his secrets to Oikawa, the bane of his existence the first seven months they worked together, of all people. But here he is. Sprawled on his couch with his head lolling against Oikawa’s shoulder. Bitching about the fact that he hasn’t gotten laid in over three months.

 

“Come on.” Oikawa rolls his eyes. “You guys get to have foursomes and stuff all the time. That’s hot.”

Suga glares at him. “Um. No. Tanaka’s grandmother surprised us with a visit last week. His hand was down the back of my pants when she knocked. That was not hot.” Suga grumbles and pouts and rubs his head against Oikawa’s shoulder.  “And that’s just, you know, icing on the cake of how my months have gone.”

“But there are like four of you. All those possible combinations. How are none of you getting any sex?”

Asahi freezes in the doorway when he hears Oikawa and looks like he wants to turn right back around and leave. But he catches Suga’s pout and settles on the floor in front of the couch instead, clearing his throat a few times before he answers Oikawa’s question.

“Uh. Very carefully and, in Suga’s case, very unhappily.” Suga hums in agreement and sits away from Oikawa enough that he can tug Asahi’s hair out of his bun and run his fingers through it until it’s untangled. Then he starts separating it into parts for a series of small, complex braids.

“All that muscle in my life,” Suga laments, eyes focused on his braiding efforts, “and not one inch of it is putting out.”

Oikawa chokes on the drink of water he was trying to swallow.

“Seriously?”

“Hey. Not for lack of trying,” Asahi says. “The universe is just against us all apparently. Last time you and Ryuu tried to get heavy handed you accidentally slapped him in the face with your dick and you both fell over you were laughing so hard.”

“I haven’t even gotten myself off. It’s that hectic. I am not designed to live like this, Oikawa.” His fingers dig into Asahi’s scalp a little and Asahi winces. “I’m dying. Please save me.” Asahi leans back against Suga’s knees when he lets go of Asahi’s hair so he can try to climb into Oikawa’s lap. He manages to get halfway there before Asahi gets onto his knees and spins around to drag him back off and into his own lap. “I just want to have sex with someone successfully okay,” Suga yells as he tries to pry Asahi’s arms off himself. “If I have to use up my having sex outside the relationship card on Oikawa then so be it. It’s been three months and my dick is going to fall off!”

“I would say he’s exaggerating but that’s the most information I’ve had on the state of his dick in weeks, so…” Oikawa stares down at them as Suga goes completely still for a moment. “Though I’m sure it’s not going to fall off, Suga. You went seventeen years without having sex.”

Suga wriggles a little bit. “Yeah but I at least still had my own hand.” He rolls his hips a little and snugs his ass into Asahi’s crotch. Asahi is not entirely proud of the pained noise he makes or the way he flushes at Oikawa’s amused expression. Movement catches his attention and he looks past the couch and spots Hajime watching them from the doorway to the kitchen.

“Yeah no I’m out,” Hajime states. He spins on his heel and heads right back into the kitchen and, presumably, out the door to the back porch where he had been napping when Oikawa showed up earlier. “You can fend for yourself, Oikawa,” he calls out as Oikawa scrambles off the couch and yells at him to wait. “And if you can’t fend him off at least Suga will stop whining about sex for a day.”

 

—

 

Hajime drags his hands down Suga’s back, short nails leaving the lightest of marks in their wake, and hums contemplatively at the whimper he gets in response. Suga is already hard and too focused on rutting against Hajime to notice the patterns Hajime is tracing on his skin. Which is impressive since Suga rarely misses the opportunity to lovingly tease Hajime for his sappy yet slightly possessive thing about literally marking them with his name.

“Any chance I can get you to just…” Suga whimpers again and rolls his hips down as Hajime digs his nails in just a little bit.

“Probably not.” It’s not a total lie. Hajime’s at that brink where a few more of those delightful little groans that Suga lets out when Hajime pulls Suga’s lip between his teeth or when Hajime’s fingernails dig in just right would possibly be just enough to tip Hajime into the ‘interested in getting Suga off’ category though he’s still feeling pretty neutral about it.

“You are a cruel, cruel man Hajime.”

Hajime’s response is to bite a little harder on Suga’s lip and then kiss away the whine that it causes. The apartment door slams shut but it doesn’t faze them. The apartment door is often slamming open or shut depending on who is out at the moment. Shoes hit the wall as their owner kicks them off and then Ryuu is rushing past the living room with a groan. And not the fun kind that Suga has been letting out for the last forty minutes.

“Holy shit I am never even remotely making fun of Saeko again when she bitches about her cramps and I laugh cause I’m a bitchy asshole and mine are never horrible holy fuck I am dying. I think my stomach is trying to simultaneously eject from both ends and take everything inside with it.”

“Is it time for a heating pad?” Hajime calls out as the bathroom door starts to shut. It opens again for a moment.

“No. Just. Don’t eat at that place next to Oikawa’s apartment if you don’t want explosive… feelings.” The bathroom door thuds shut. Suga drops his head to Hajime’s shoulder with a pained whine.

“Well then.” Suga whines louder and shakes his head. “You’re not going to die, Koushi.”

“Shut the up your fuck Iwaizumi Hajime yes I am.”

“Look at me. I am just fine without having sex. I’ve had sex like twice my entire life and I am perfectly fine.”

“I do look at you. Lewdly and often and that sounds incredibly fake and I am weak enough to want to push you to prove it but I am also smart enough to just… hope Asahi gets back soon so I can jump him in the hallway.”

 

—

 

Asahi stares up at the sky and rubs his nose absently, thoughts millions of miles away. He may not be the most bubbly and outgoing in their relationship or the most flirty or romantic or, you know, the most sexual one of them all. Those were Ryuu, Hajime, and Koushi, in that order. Sometimes he’s amazed at just how they all fell together. This strange friendship turned romance slash cuddle pile makeout sessions on the couch thing they have between them. They were a mess of alignments and feelings and urges all scrambled together like the weirdest omelet imaginable.

And okay sure, he thinks as he watches a cloud that kind of looks like a dragon on a skateboard float past two sailboat shaped clouds, he’s demi but ever since he and Koushi and Ryuu had reached the stages where he felt comfortable and connected and attracted to them he’s gotten used to getting off in various ways a certain number of times a week, generally with help of some kind. Now that that stress relief has managed to hit a dry spell for all of them at the exact same time he’s starting to get a bit tense. He’ll admit it.

His phone buzzes with a text and he pulls it out of his pocket with a smile when he sees it’s Koushi. Asahi can also admit that he’s the biggest whiner of them all but Koushi’s right there with him most of the time. In fact the string of texts he’s sending Asahi right now it just that. A string of complaints about how he’s going to die and his dick is, apparently, going to fall off from lack of attention and no matter what something goes horribly wrong. Just an hour ago he and Ryuu were making out, Koushi explains with a lot of emojis, and Ryuu knocked a candle over and tried to set the bedroom on fire.

Asahi contemplates the mall across the park with a sigh. He’s never wanted to drag Koushi along with him on his evening jogs so badly. Just so he could potentially take him into the mall and push him into a random bathroom stall for a quickie. He’d just… drag Koushi in, shove him into a stall, and start with that spot just under his chin that makes Koushi go all weak kneed. Then Koushi would whine and hop up so that his legs are wrapped around Asahi’s waist and he’s pressed all flush to Asahi’s chest and his fingers are tangled in Asahi’s hair and he would be making that whimpering noise that drives Asahi to abandon any semblance of responsibility and public decency and polite company and Asahi would consider fucking Koushi in the bathroom stall just like that and it would be messy and sticky and glorious and-

“-lo? Earth to Asahi?” Fingers snap in front of his face and Asahi startles.

And his luck a cop would be right inside, waiting, lurking for him to try it. Daichi grins down at him and crosses his arms across his chest, unintentionally drawing Asahi’s attention to the shining badge on his chest.

“Stop cockblocking me,” Asahi whines in greeting.

Daichi blinks in surprise. “I, uh. We. I haven’t seen or spoken to you in three weeks. How the fuck am I cockblocking you?”

“I haven’t had sex in three months.” This is a ridiculous conversation to be having at seven on a Thursday night with a cop, in uniform, but Asahi accepted ridiculousness as a part of his life the first time he had his tongue in Ryuu’s mouth which had also been the first time Koushi’s hand had been down Asahi’s pants. So, yeah. Ridiculousness was bountiful in his life.

“And how is that my fault?”

“I am not sure but as a cop and one of my best friends it somehow is. Koushi could tell you why in detail.” Ashai hits the call button on his phone and only has to wait two rings for it to be answered. “Tell Daichi why me not getting sex in three months is his fault and he is clearly cockblocking me,” he says as soon as Koushi picks up.

“I don’t want to know the details,” Daichi protests. But he takes the phone with a put upon sigh when Asahi shoves it at him. “Hello Suga.”

“Okay so - hello to you too Daichi hope you’re eating well and not living off whatever shit Kuroo pretends he can cook-”

“It’s Tsukishima who makes most of the food actually,” Daichi mutters, already bracing himself to bleach out whatever Suga is about to tell him as soon as he can.

“Oh I’m glad to see he’s taking my advice then. Anyway so. Last week. Asahi and Hajime and I are in the living room right? Hajime’s doing that thing with his voice where he goes all low toned and demanding and who the fuck am I to say no when he gets that way and wants to participate am I right? So he tells me to start sucking Asahi and Asahi is more than happy to oblige the command as well.”

“I really don’t think I want to-”

“And I’m really good at deep throating these days - ask Asahi -”

“I don’t want to ask Asahi.”

“-and I’ve got Asahi’s dick so far down my throat I can feel it in my stomach I swear. He gets his phone out to send a picture to Ryuu, cause Hajime said to and honestly I can get behind that one hundred percent, and then his phone rings and in a panic to decline the call he answers it. On speaker. You know who it was Daichi?”

“Not me.”

“No. No Daichi. Not you. Your mother. You know how awkward it is to hear your best friend’s mother’s voice coming through the speaker when your other best friend’s dick is jammed down your throat? Asahi wouldn’t look at me for two days after that.”

“I never, ever, ever needed to hear or know any of that. I hope you realize this Suga.”

“Your mother called Asahi because you wouldn’t answer her phone. Therefore. It is your fault.”

“Have a great day Suga,” Daichi finally says. He looks a little traumatized when he hand Asahi back his phone. “Good luck with… yeah. All that.”

“See you next week for Noya’s gallery opening?”

Daichi nods and wanders away, mind clearly stuck on his conversation with Koushi, and Asahi puts the phone up to his ear when he realizes the call is still connected.

“Hey, Koushi. Have I told you today how much I love and respect and adore you?” Asahi asks.

 

—

 

Sex was not Hajime’s thing and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. Even if it was occasionally a bit awkward at first when they had all started falling together and he had to explain it to them. Ryuu had taken it in stride, pausing with his hand on Hajime’s stomach and his lips hovering over Hajime’s own to ask if he was still okay with kissing when Hajime had blurted out that he wasn’t interested in sex at all with anyone and would most likely never be while they were mid-makeout session.

“Just pinch me hard if I ever cross a boundary or something would ya? I won’t learn otherwise.” Ryuu had grinned that sharp toothed grin that had made Hajime fall for him in the first place and proceeded to kiss Hajime senseless and then fall asleep with his head tucked into Hajime’s shoulder.

Asahi had accepted it with a few polite questions - that got more personal the longer they dated which was more than alright with Hajime - and promptly left it up to Hajime to approach him when and if he ever wanted physical attention beyond casual touches and Asahi kissing Hajime’s knuckles. Asahi was great for full body hugs and cuddling on the couch after a long stressful week.

Koushi was a force to be reckoned with. His questions were probing and deep and well thought out most of the time and they really did make Hajime stop and think about things more than he was sometimes comfortable with. But since they were asked out of genuine curiosity (and since it was Koushi asking with those big brown eyes and soft hair and brilliant smile) Hajime generally answered them. In the end he just… didn’t get Koushi’s sometimes extreme interest in sex and probably never would. But that was okay. Koushi was largely the same way in regards to Hajime’s lack of interest in it. It was all definitely okay in the end because Hajime was all for lengthy makeout sessions and lazy kisses in the afternoon and Koushi was more than happy to oblige him and actually rather enjoyed Hajime getting him worked up before one of the others got home and Hajime unleashed Koushi onto them.

He does it to all of them, actually, but Koushi is just the most fun to work up and generally lasts the longest so they can literally spend an entire afternoon making out and keeping Koushi on edge whereas Ryuu tends to get overstimulated easily and Asahi gets aggressive. It is a delicate balance between the four of them sometimes but they make it work.

Even if he doesn’t really get their urges and needs and interest in sex he can understand their frustrations to an extent and he can see the way it shortens their tempers and drives up their stress levels no matter how playfully they joke about it and when he starts seeing the doubts in Ryuu’s eyes and the insecurity in Asahi’s pose and the nervousness in Koushi’s gestures after three months of failed attempts to be intimate with each other in the most primal sense he decides it’s time to seriously do something about it.

So he clears their weekend. It’s not easy with four of them and he has to call in some favors with Hanamaki, Moniwa, and Yamaguchi but he does it. He actually takes an extra day off for himself and he spends all day Friday making sure everything is ready and every disaster he can think of is already taken care of or prepared for. There’s enough food to feed them all for a week ready to be heated up whenever it’s needed and plenty of energy and sports drinks for the weekend. All the supplies they might need are already bought and he considers putting them all in a little gift basket and leaving it on the bed but he can’t find one in their closets so he just tosses them onto the bed instead; they’ll get used up no matter what kind of wrapping they're in anyway.

He has a bath drawn for Asahi that he ushers him straight into the moment he slips off his shoes and bends to give Hajime a kiss. Hajime is just finishing rinsing Asahi’s hair and peppering his shoulders with kisses when Ryuu comes home. He gives Asahi strict instructions to dry off and change into the clothes he already has on the bathroom sink for him and he heads out to distract Ryuu until Asahi’s in the living room - under Hajime’s orders - and Ryuu is basically a pliant pile of goo against the kitchen wall that Hajime leads to the bathroom to pamper until Koushi makes it home.

When he’s finished with Koushi in the bathroom he leaves him with his own instructions and heads to the living room where Ryuu and Asahi are staring at each other almost nervously. Hajime smiles at them and settles between them on the couch, taking one of their hands in each of his and squeezing them reassuringly.

“I’ve got a surprise for all of you. That’s all,” is the only thing he says no matter how much they question him.

When he finally figures Koushi has had enough time he stands and pulls them both out of the living room to the master bedroom where Koushi is waiting. Ryuu and Asahi freeze a step inside the bedroom at the sight of Koushi sprawled on his stomach on the bed, completely naked, with his face buried in the pillows. He’s relaxed enough that he’s almost ready to doze off and he barely tilts his head at the sound of Ryuu’s appreciative hum.

“Please,” Hajime says as he nudges them towards the bed, “for the love of everything holy and every deity there ever has been or was or will be let him sit on whatever parts of you or whatever toys you three play with that he wants to. Maybe not all at once because it’s been awhile. But just. Go. I am begging you. Fuck each other senseless. I’ll keep watch and be in the living room if you need me for a break or food or whatever. We’re all free all weekend.” Hajime heads to the bed to kiss the beauty mark on Koushi’s shoulder and then drop a kiss on the back of his neck before leaving. He kisses Ryuu’s and Asahi’s cheeks as he passes them and shuts the door part way.

Then he swings the door back open and leans inside the room. “And I expect each of you to remember what I’ve already told you about tonight,” he teases.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to yell at me on [tumblr](http://ezzydean.tumblr.com) and yes I did leave it open at the end like that so I can possibly (probably) write a chapter two in which The Sex actually gets to happen in detail until then just trust me that the really did get to do it all weekend long


End file.
